Superbowl Sweets: Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pies

Yes. I know. Superbowl post in March. Slacker...(Blame Netflix)..

I love football. I love the Superbowl. I love the ads. I love the food. I love the drinks. I love the culture of getting together and yelling at the TV. Anytime, especially recently, where I can go on an irrational, angry rant without anyone looking at me in shock is amazing. I suppose that anger is a great way to describe how I was influenced by this dessert.  There are actually multiple reasons why I moved forward with this tasty, mammoth sized amuse-bouche (irony in contradiction).

1. HATE (Steelers fans HATE the Ravens).
2. RED is the color of ANGER AND HATE, but also pro-49ers.
3. Whoopie Pie.....Can of Whoop Ass.... Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pie. (Go 49ers)!
4. SECRET INGREDIENT (I can add cayenne to the red dough and it will be a spicy surprise).
5. My dad put this Food Network recipe in front of me and told me I was going to make this. This was perhaps and preemptive attack against me and against some dessert that was floating around my brain that would somehow try to put buffalo sauce, meat, blue cheese and beer into a sweet pie.

Here is a secret...did you know that Red Velvet is just chocolate cake? Anytime someone says their favorite cake is Red Velvet please put them in their place.

 The Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pies are very easy to make. The only truly frustrating part of the process is how sticky the batter is. Please note that you should make this dessert before any big night out. Your hands and your fingers will be bright red from trying to remove the red, sticky dough off the spoon and into circles. I sported a red, hot pointer finger all night. You will get angry (see the theme of this post yet?) and want to just slop some dough on a sheet (what I did), which is perfectly fine. Just make sure that you have enough pairs to make the sandwich.

If you like things spicy seriously consider adding some cayanne pepper to your batter. 

It is wonderful.

I HATE measuring out scoops and tend to just slap them on a cookie sheet.

Undoubtedly the best part of Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pie would be the cream cheese frosting. (Cheese makes everything better!) The red hot "buns" were cooled and ready to be assembled into a sugary sandwich. My first sandwich was looked at skeptically by my father. He said, as he took a bite, "You know...in the picture they had so much frosting that they could roll it in pecans....you know..." I interrupted this as, "Why did you skimp on the frosting??" So the next sandwich was flooded with the creamy goodness and went from handheld dessert to fork and knife. One could attempt to eat it without a fork and knife, but their face (and clothes) would get plastered with frosting. 

Fork and Knife required.

49ers lost. Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pies win.