Food Photos for Thought

Thank you Smart Phones and Instagram for making life a lot more colorful! At the butcher shop I am constantly taking pictures of bacon while the butcher boys eyeball me cautiously. In restaurants people are always snapping pictures of their artfully crafted plates and I am one of them. Some people find this annoying. I love it. We eat with our eyes first people!

Here are just some Food Photos for Thought from Las Vegas, NV.

This is my sister's Brew Board. We just finished a Belgian Saison together!

This photo just makes me happy! 

Patisserie Manon is like dreaming in French. We walked into the restaurant to grab some breakfast on Gal-entine's Day and this is what I see: gummy bears in apothecary jars, bright little gems of macaroons, skyscraper-like layer cakes, and breakfast. These are almost all my favorite things rolled into a one-stop. Glorious.

Hash House A Go Go: Twisted Farm Food Yes that is a sprig of rosemary in my biscuit. Perfect fuel before hiking in the Redrock Canyons.

This place is fantastic for breakfast, mostly because their Bloody Marys comes with a slice of bacon. Incredible.

Pudding is the bane of my existence...

Writing this post will be very hard for me. I will try my best to give you an accurate recall of the nights I attempted to make cream pies; however, I have a feeling that I have suppressed the majority of the memories deep in the cracks of my mind. Even looking at the pictures makes me want to scream in frustration. Pudding is indeed the bane of my existence.

The Banana Cream Pie Incident

It was a Saturday at Six Dinner. It was suppose to be a peaceful night....ok ok...perhaps this is all too dramatic. I saw this Banana Cream Pie recipe online and thought it sounded delectable. Banana Cream pie, peanut shortbread crust, and salty bourbon caramel drizzle. A dear friend told me about her trial and tribulations with cream pies and I heeded her advice and decided to conduct this baking adventure with my Mom who tends to be a perfectionist about everything, including puddings.

Bon Appetit wrote, "This showstopper is a worthwhile project. Set aside some time 2 days ahead to make the components, then practice saying "Aw shucks, that was nothing!" to raving guests." Unfortunately it was I who was raving and by raving I mean raging... (I do not blame Bon Appetit for this at all. I take fully responsibility.) 

Homemade peanut butter for peanut shortbread crust. It is amazing.

Looking at this picture just makes me angry. Why won't you set????

Looks perfect.....

Still looks perfect....

Delicious and Salty perfection.....

No seriously....amazing...perfection...eat your heart out...

 I unfortunately did not document my downfall, but it went something like this. Beautiful, magazine cover pie. I cut into it. Soup, not thick cream, but oozy soup. At this point I try to pick it up and throw it away, but my family stops me and insist on eating this pie (in a bowl). It tasted delicious. Everything it promised to be: sweet, crunchy crust, salty and boozy drizzle...just not that creamy, cool goodness. I was fuming...

 The Sequel

I decided to attempt a cream pie again weeks later. This time Coconut Cream Pie.  I chose this specific recipe because it was "family friendly." If kids can master this pie then surely I can too. After the last episode I didn't want to take pictures and jinx myself. This time I cooked the cream longer until it was incredibly thick....

I suppose my downfall in all puddings is the cooking part. Almost boil. Until thick. I even did the back of the spoon trick, but I either make it not thick enough or too thick. No matter the thickness it always turns out soupy. The Coconut Cream Pie looked PERFECT. Seriously, perfect this time. Not like previously cream pie.  I was ecstatic! When I cut into it...soup. I am convinced that there are pudding gremlins in my fridge that sabotage my pies just to watch me unravel in disbelief about the consistency of cream. 

I will say, that I did not care for this crust at all and if I had to do it over again, I would use a regular flaky crust. 

Looks good. Tastes good. Consistency.....bad...

I must recuperate and rethink my strategy before I attempt another cream pie.

Pudding Gremlins: 2 Me: -2 (for bad sportsmanship).

Superbowl Sweets: Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pies

Yes. I know. Superbowl post in March. Slacker...(Blame Netflix)..

I love football. I love the Superbowl. I love the ads. I love the food. I love the drinks. I love the culture of getting together and yelling at the TV. Anytime, especially recently, where I can go on an irrational, angry rant without anyone looking at me in shock is amazing. I suppose that anger is a great way to describe how I was influenced by this dessert.  There are actually multiple reasons why I moved forward with this tasty, mammoth sized amuse-bouche (irony in contradiction).

1. HATE (Steelers fans HATE the Ravens).
2. RED is the color of ANGER AND HATE, but also pro-49ers.
3. Whoopie Pie.....Can of Whoop Ass.... Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pie. (Go 49ers)!
4. SECRET INGREDIENT (I can add cayenne to the red dough and it will be a spicy surprise).
5. My dad put this Food Network recipe in front of me and told me I was going to make this. This was perhaps and preemptive attack against me and against some dessert that was floating around my brain that would somehow try to put buffalo sauce, meat, blue cheese and beer into a sweet pie.

Here is a secret...did you know that Red Velvet is just chocolate cake? Anytime someone says their favorite cake is Red Velvet please put them in their place.

 The Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pies are very easy to make. The only truly frustrating part of the process is how sticky the batter is. Please note that you should make this dessert before any big night out. Your hands and your fingers will be bright red from trying to remove the red, sticky dough off the spoon and into circles. I sported a red, hot pointer finger all night. You will get angry (see the theme of this post yet?) and want to just slop some dough on a sheet (what I did), which is perfectly fine. Just make sure that you have enough pairs to make the sandwich.

If you like things spicy seriously consider adding some cayanne pepper to your batter. 

It is wonderful.

I HATE measuring out scoops and tend to just slap them on a cookie sheet.

Undoubtedly the best part of Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pie would be the cream cheese frosting. (Cheese makes everything better!) The red hot "buns" were cooled and ready to be assembled into a sugary sandwich. My first sandwich was looked at skeptically by my father. He said, as he took a bite, "You know...in the picture they had so much frosting that they could roll it in pecans....you know..." I interrupted this as, "Why did you skimp on the frosting??" So the next sandwich was flooded with the creamy goodness and went from handheld dessert to fork and knife. One could attempt to eat it without a fork and knife, but their face (and clothes) would get plastered with frosting. 

Fork and Knife required.

49ers lost. Red Velvet Whoop-Ass Pies win. 

Charcuterie should be a metal band

Back when I was taking 4 years of German in High School, my friend (Monika) and I, often rambled on about Rammstein, a German metal band. Even after 4 years of German I could not even begin to tell you what they are singing about, so if it is wildly inappropriate I plead ignorance. The reason why I bring this up is because I desperately want a French metal band to start and I want them to be named Charcuterie, sing about charcuterie, and provide charcuterie to all their die hard fans (like me). 

Now, I love a good charcuterie. I love it so much that if I was forced to eat only one thing for the rest of my life I would lie and cheat and say "charcuterie" knowing full well that it is made up of multiple things. Multiple, delicious, rich, stomach-aching things. Cheese. Meat. Olives and other accoutrements. Screw crackers. Crackers are stupid. Just give me the meat and cheese. Also, give me the world where pretentiousness and metal meet and fall in love.

I want this to happen so badly that when I am putting together a charcuterie (how many times can I say this word in this post?) plate I sing in my loudest, raspiest, deepest voice CHARCUTERIEEEEE....CHARCUTERIEEEEEEE........CHARCUTERIEEEE and then rage and whip my hair around. 

I realize I just claimed that I ban crackers from my charcuterie, but please note I am not selfish and cater to those that love crackers. Also, the triangle block of white cheese is a Raspberry Ale Cheddar and absolutely my favorite cheese in the whole wide world.

My sister, who loves cheese more than anything, bought all this cheese for a short 5 day visit. That is a lot of cheese consumption. Please call help.  If you want to order delicious cheese, I highly recommend The Cheesemongers Shop in Leavenworth, WA

Need I say more???? Are you singing "Charcuterieeeee, charcuterieeeee, charcuterieeeee..." yet?

Marinated goat cheese, pumpkin goat cheese, cheddar, limburger, raspberry ale cheddar and stout ale cheddar. "Don't forget the fig jam" she said in a Mrs. Featherbottom voice.

Other Accoutrements

Roasted Brussels, red pear and blue cheese skewers.

Roasted beets and goat cheese layers. 

Goat Cheese with blackberries and wine.

Luxurious truffles from a local shop in Kent, Ohio called The Empire of Magical Thought.  In short they sell magic and chocolate which is as close to a Harry Potter as one can get. The sister company is Bittersweet's in Stow, Ohio. 

Two Nuts, Two Pies, One Nutty Family

Everyone can claim that they have The World's Craziest Family. I will not go as far to say that, but I do feel comfortable saying that I have The World's Nuttiest Family. They, for the most part, are tucked away in the country on their own "compound" (as described by Grad School Soul Mate Dash), sipping on their home brew and have some severe issues of boredom. If you have ever seen The Burbs or Disturbia you might get a general idea of what I am trying to say, but without the murders or creepiness. A perfect example is the one night some poor soul got turned around and pulled into our street and (s)he was instantly accused of trying to rob one of our houses. Goodbye TV. Hello Window Watching.

Every Saturday at 6:00pm there will be dinner.  There will be the same dinner conversation. It is so predictable I can write out a script of the night, but I will not subject you to it. There will be cards, coffee, lottery tickets, and dessert. Dessert is always different and where I come in. I use this time to experiment. First, Bourbon Bacon Pecan Pie (Drunken Nutty Piggy Pie) and Lemon Hazelnut Pie.

Drunken Nutty Piggy Pie

I found the recipe for Drunken Nutty Piggy Pie on this website and was instantly drawn to it for multiple reasons.

1. Bourbon
2. Bacon
3. Free pecans from a dear friend who ironically has a pet pig named Hamlet.

Vanilla Bean Bacon from Catullo Prime Meat

 I had a moment of sadness as I cooked up the bacon and instantly thought about Hamlet, but this quickly dissipated as my love for both 1 and 2 trumped the Birmingham famous house pig. Sorry Hamlet.

I must insist on one change in this recipe. Be picky with your bacon. The first time I made this pie (see Gingerbread Army Men photo) I just used plain old bacon. The second time I made this recipe I used Catullo Prime Meat's Vanilla Bean Bacon. This is the king of bacon. If you don't like vanilla, please visit them anyways to see their other bacon flavors...and their young, hipster, mutton chopped (facial hair, not meat) butchers.

Catullo Prime Meats feels like an old school butcher shop, but with very young butchers behind the bar. 

This pie has bacon two ways: bacon grease in the pie crust and pieces of bacon mixed in with the pecans!

You can see little specks of bacon in the pie crust too!

This pie is perfect for anyone who craves that salty/sweet combination and truly believes that "Everything is better with bacon."

Lemon Hazelnut Pie

This pie does not need some catchy name because it honestly is that good. Growing up my grandfather used to give me a jar of Nutella for Christmas, which kick started my love for hazelnuts. I mean hazelnuts and chocolate are soulmates...or so I thought until I made this pie (Recipe: HERE).

This pie almost never came to fruition all because of my nutty family. I should explain the history of beer consumption and my sweet, little nuclear family. My dad was born in Germany and came over to the states with his parents when he was very young. Europeans tend to have a different view on beer at dinner compared to the United States. Whenever my sister and I were little and went to stay with our grandparents they would serve us "Kiddie Beer" which was basically a thimble full of very bitter, very warm beer. DELICIOUS to a young kid who is striving to be an adult by wearing lipstick and heels and drinking beer. (Now that I think about my whole childhood it truly is amazing that my sister and I turned out as well as we did...) I will stress that MODERATION is KEY! I will also stress, "Once you pop you can't stop. (Especially with craft beers and the opportunity to be as snobby about brews as possible). 

That being said, when my family is all reunited we tend to make it feel a bit too good through many many many beers. What was suppose to be dinner, ONE drink and then home to bake pie quickly turned into dinner, MULTIPLE beers, B-Double E-Double R-U-N, a stop to the delightful hole-in-the-wall where my cousin tends bar and THEN home to bak....wait no no, drink more beer and THEN in a panic realize we forgot to bake the pie for dinner tomorrow. Sigh...

We shall blame the good beer on this one.

I will NEVER EVER recommend baking while under the influence (here as known as BUI); however, we had safety in numbers and what is the worst that can happen? (Please Note The Worst That Can Happen: cut yourself, cut your finger off, cut your hand off, cut your sister's hand off, choke on bite of pie, burn yourself, catch oven on fire, catch house on fire, and ruin pie). Luckily none of these situations happened.

The beautiful thing about this boozy pie is that not only do you get that tangy bite of a cocktail-esque dessert, but you are one step closer to making your own limoncello! This girl LOVES a simple syrup and it was a delight to sip while we peeled the skins off the roasted hazelnuts. It is a tedious task, but cocktails and craft beer makes the time go by quickly!

Before and After

This pie has a lot of components to it. A flaky crust, crunchy hazelnuts, lemony filling, and then this ooey-gooey, chewy candied lemon toppings. A person definitely has to love lemons in order to love this pie, but it is sweet enough to convert anyone who doesn't care for this citrus.

Everyone that participated in tipsy pie baking came out of the kitchen unscathed and if they were lucky a liverwurst and brie cheese midnight snack!

Netflix is my best friend..

Ok. Ok. Netflix is not indeed my best friend. To quote The Mindy Project, "Best friend isn't a person it is a tier.." I will go as far to say that Netflix is the grieving girl's best friend. I am in no way making light of grief; however, at this point it is either cry or awkwardly laugh in attempt to avoid publicly crying. This social avoidance is fact and I wish someone would have informed me of the dangers of TV marathoning escapism (ahem...MA in Journalism and Mass Communication...cough cough...should know better..) For future reference I am coining this as Socially Suppressed Slug Syndrome (S4), mostly because when I wear my baggy pajamas (Marathoning uniform...adoringly known as my "Uni") I look and feel like a slug.

I have found myself strangely sucked into Texas football life during Friday Night Lights to the point where my internal voice had a deep Southern accent and often commentated daily life in football terms and locker room motivational speeches.

I have also found my internal voice, again with a Southern drawl, but this time with Kevin Spacey's South Carolina molasses dialect from House of Cards. This time my mood went from cheerleader (please note that I did not say rally girl) to sophisticated deceit. Indeed my moods flip flop more than IHOP pancakes on Free Pancake Day.

At this point you might be thinking, "Two shows...that's nothing.." but dear friends, please be aware that is the beauty of social media and blogging. One only shares what one wants to. By this time Netflix has surely received my kind letter requesting..err demanding...they instantly add more shows for those people in desperate need of a fix.

What does this all have to do with pie? Excellent question. Netflix is the reason why there has been no pie. No cake. No cookies. Just potatoes of the couch variety. So here we go....enjoy the flood of posts.

Mom's Boozy Ice Cream Episode 1

Welcome for the first installment of Mom's Boozy Ice Cream!  My Mom has always made exceptional homemade ice cream, but in the last several years she has made it an adult dessert. What better way to complete my Bridget Jones transformation than taking the inescapable, vast black hole of Netflix, booze and ice cream, but without having to worry about measuring and mixing??

All sarcastic joking aside the *small* amount of alcohol in the ice cream does actually serve a purpose. It helps keep the ice cream softer and more scoop-able while adding a *hint* of flavor. However, if you are into dessert cocktails you can absolutely make it into a boozy milkshake. 

Peppermint Schnapps plus Junior Mints

The Not-For-Junior Chocolate Mint Ice Cream came into existence due to my Christmasy Cravings. While I did *ignore* the majority of the holiday I did cave into the flavors of Christmas (peppermint and gingerbread).

Junior Mints taste so good frozen that it seemed like a logical choice.

Just so you can see the amount of liquor actually in the ice cream. Again, looking for a kick...add more post-freezer. 1/4 to a 1/2 a cup for the whole batch.

 Ingredients

1 cup sugar
3 large eggs
1cup semi-sweet chocolate
1 1/2 cups milk
1 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon peppermint extract
1 box Junior Mints (chopped up)
1/4 or 1/2 cup of peppermint schnapps (Add to your liking)

Melt semi-sweet chocolate in the microwave in a microwave safe bowl. Once melted, mix the sugar and eggs with the chocolate until fully blended and smooth.

Bring the milk to a boil in a saucepan. Once boiling, slowly pour the milk into the sugar, eggs and cocoa mixture. Blend well. Once blended, pour it back into the pan and keep on low heat. With a wooden spoon, stir constantly until it thickens up a bit. You can use your wooden spoon to test how well the custard coats the back of the spoon. Do not boil the custard or else you will have more of a breakfast treat than an ice cream!

 Remove from heat, and carefully pour through a strainer into a clean bowl. Let cool. Slowly add your cream, chopped Junior Mints and peppermint extract.

Once fully mixed and cooled, pour into your ice cream maker for about 15 minutes. Add in your peppermint schnapps and continue to keep your ice cream in your machine for an additional 15 minutes. Using a spatula, scrap your ice cream out of the machine and into a freezer safe container and freeze overnight.

Mmmm..minty fresh!

Additions: Chopped Walnuts, Hot Fudge, Peanut Butter, or wafer cookies. My mom and I used a thermometer because she is OCD and likes to make sure everything is perfectly even and numerically accurate. This is why she excels in baking.

Boozy Banana Ice Cream came to be simply because we had an excess of bananas in the house and what better way to use them up? The only problem that I now foresee is the fact there there is a whole bottle of 99 Bananas to use up. Got rid of the fruit. Now have a bottle...about 92 Bananas left.

 This might come in handy if I can somehow mix up a Bluth's Frozen Banana beverage in honor of Season 4 of Arrested Development, which will be a bittersweet viewing. (See later postings for trial and errors on this mission)

Ingredients

2/3 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1 1/2 tbsp. all purpose flour
1/8 tsp. salt
1 1/4 cups milk
2 large ripe bananas (The more brown spots the better. This will be easier to mash and also make the ice cream sweeter.)
1 cup cream
1 tsp. vanilla extract (can substitute run extract if you are feeling a bit tropical)
1/4 cup or 1/2 cup 99 Bananas (You can substitute dark rum or one of those sweet chocolate, whipped cream nonsense vodkas.)

 In a mixing bowl, whisk together the sugar into the eggs until blended and it has a yellowish hue. Whisk the flour and salt into the mixture. Keep to the side.

Pour the milk into a saucepan and heat on the stove top until boiling. Remove from heat and slowly pour into the eggs and sugar mixture. Once combined, pour back into the saucepan and put on low heat. With a wooden spoon, stir constantly until it thickens up a bit. You can use your wooden spoon to test how well the custard coats the back of the spoon. Do not boil the custard or else you will have more of a breakfast treat than an ice cream! (Did you just get deja vu?)

Remove from heat, and carefully pour through a strainer into a clean bowl.

Peel your brown-spotted bananas and put into a bowl. Mash them up using whatever utensil you prefer. I found that the back of a fork worked just fine. Add the mashed up bananas to the custard mix, which should still be hot. Let cool. Stir in your cream and extract.

Once fully mixed and cooled, pour into your ice cream maker for about 15 minutes. Add in the liquor of your choice and continue to keep your ice cream in your machine for an additional 15 minutes. Using a spatula, scrap your ice cream out of the machine and into a freezer safe container and freeze overnight.

I feel like you can make this ice cream and take off with it. Some add-ins you might want to also consider are dried coconut flakes, bake pie dough, chocolate chips, cherries etc. I found this recipe very sweet and I like to tone it down with a sweet/salty combo so I added some natural peanut butter. Perfection!